Most of the time, It feels like I’m trying so hard not to be what I’m constantly suppressing- all of which are negative attributes; So much so that I am sometimes led to believe to think that deep inside what I’m suppressing and running from might just be the very essence of me and because of this I don’t feel like I’m being true to myself or to anyone, cause I always feel like I am just projecting. I feel like an alien all the time.
” we are what we run from, we are why we smoke some” – Need to know, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis featuring Chance the Rapper
And the reason why I’m so annoyed when I see other people not even trying to suppress such attributes that I think are negative, is because I’m jealous that they can get away with it and I don’t think I can.
This is easily my biggest struggle and cycle that I really try not to relapse into- myself. Although, I am hoping that I’m simply not just this bundle of negative attributes and intentions, that alongside some projection I am also trying to get better or better myself. Sometimes, I think I know the answer.